Things that really suck when you are facing infertility.

It’s no secret facing infertility sucks but unless you’ve actually been there and done that then you don’t really know…so let’s make a list…I like lists…I’ve seen a few lists like this on other blogs but they were…once again…“too warm and fuzzy” and I want to be honest.

 Warning: a lot of swearing ahead. 

 

So here it is: a list of things that suck:

 

  1. Needles….so many fucking needles. I went from getting blood work once a year to almost weekly. Last month I had to get blood drawn two days in a row. Then I had the privilege of hearing the suction noise and the sound of the blood going in the vile…yeah that’s going to haunt me…forever! This week I got a box in the mail…you know what it was? That’s right…a box of fucking needles…I am supposed to inject something at home now…yeah..that’s not happening.

  2. Being around your kids: don’t get me wrong…I love the kids in my life but honestly it is very painful to be around them. It’s like a very in your face reminder of what I can’t have. I’ve had two major breakdowns at some social events this summer and skipped a baby shower because I just couldn’t handle it.

  3. Drugs: Clomid is a hell of a drug and dexamethasone is no picnic either. Really any drug that you have to take before bed that way you sleep through the blurred vision isn’t something you want to be on. Also, they make you into a crazy person! I won’t even explain how the progesterone “capsules” work. Plus, I have started taking pre-natal vitamins, calcium, and vitamin D…my doctor told me I have the vitamin D level of someone who has been institutionalized.

  4. Peeing on things: Pregnancy tests and ovulation predictors both suck.

  5. Schrodinger’s Uterus: every month I have this week or so where I might be pregnant but also I might not be. Since I can’t observe it…well you get the joke… So I start questioning things like: should I stop drinking? What if this is my last drink?

  6. Pointing out that I don’t have kids: Yes, people actually point this out to me like I’m not already aware. Next time I swear I am going to be like “Oh shit! I thought I did! Where the hell did they go? In all the years we’ve known each other I’ve just left them in the fucking car! Damn! I better go check on them!”

  7. People bitching about their kids: I swear the next person who tells me I am sooooo lucky that I don’t have kids is getting punched right in the face. I get having kids is hard but believe me, it beats the alternative.

  8. Telling me it will get worse: I understand that pregnancy and childbirth are way more painful than the tests and procedures I am going through but you know what you get when you are done with pregnancy and childbirth? A baby! You know what I get after every visit to the fertility clinic? A $25 copay.
  9. Sex: People say “Hey at least that means you get to have lots of sex, right?” Yeah…scheduling sex can take a lot of the fun out of it. I’ve literally walked out of the clinic with a list of days we “have” to have sex….yeah that really puts you in the mood.

  10. Advice: Look, I know people mean well but unless you are my doctor please don’t offer me any advice. I appreciate you sharing “what worked for you” but my infertility is caused by a disease I have. Even my friend who has the same condition went through fertility treatments and medications that were totally different than the ones I am doing. Please leave knocking me up to the professionals. Goodness knows I am paying that clinic enough.   

  11. Holidays: Let’s be honest,holidays are made for kids. Every holiday I think “Well next year I will have a kid of my own” or “I’m sure by *insert holiday* I’ll be pregnant.” Never am.

  12. People telling me “it will happen when it is meant to” or “it’s all part of a plan.” That doesn’t make sense or make me feel better so I am not sure what your point is.

  13. Shit like this…

IMG_9327 (1)

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Hey Look I Cooked Something! Beer Can Cabbage

Cookouts are kind of boring for vegetarians. Usually when we cook out we do regular burgers or hot dogs for me and veggie ones for Jordan. Nothing that you could really get excited about…until now.

Beer can cabbage is like a cross between beer can chicken and pulled pork but stands on its own as a thing. It’s a little more time consuming than just putting hot dogs on the grill but totally worth it.

We got the recipe here and they do a better job explaining it than I ever could so check it out then come back for my suggestions.

**pause**

So here are my thoughts:

I don’t know that the cabbage can stand on its own as an entree but as part of the sandwich with coleslaw, cheddar cheese and jalapenos it was amazing! It does need a sturdy bun.

I used a green cabbage instead of a purple one. I don’t know that it mattered.

The beer I used was Fosters. I think it was a good choice. Believe it or not, I don’t know much about beer. The beer guy at our grocery store helped me pick it out. Make sure when you do it you get a normal sized can. I used one of the fat ones and it created an unstable beer/cabbage tower.

Make sure you have a level surface in your grill….I had an…incident…while basting the cabbage where everything just fell over and I spilled beer all over my charcoal. Still turned out great. No one was hurt.

It isn’t as easy to cut as it looks in the video.

Here are my nonprofessional iphone pictures of what the food actually looks like: